Intervention? More like Ceaseless Escalation

After creating Hell once over the last decade, you might think Americans would hesitate before doing it again. But our interventionists have never paused and never blinked.

The term "intervention" implies that an action is discrete rather than ongoing, and that it marks a break in a chain of history, rather than a continuation of an existing routine or an expansion of  an old repertoire.  But that is not what American interventionists call for. A more accurate term for them is escalationist—how else should we refer to people who only ever reach for one blunt tool—military action—when they encounter any of the many vexing problems of the modern world? When it becomes clear, as it always does, that intervention has not resolved the issue (or that it has exacerbated it) the escalationists will always be there to say, “Of course, any military campaign needs to be coordinated with a political/economic/humanitarian strategy.” But by then, it is already too late. Escalationism is the ideological platform for militarizing every policy issue that arises. (read on here)

Guest Phiction: Trailer on a Beach

My friend CBC, creator of the phiction genre, recently received a priceless email from Sophiaa Queen, an heiress in distress. The invitation to create some music together was too good to pass by, and their relationship blossomed in the ether. Particularly poignant and almost eerie is that this rockfordian intercourse took place only days before the untimely death of acclaimed actor James Garner. As usual, the phisher's emails are odd-numbered, CBC's emails even. This one is a slow cooker, but packs more heartbreak than the last novel you read. If you stop reading before 'Taco, Bag of Fries,' you're missing out:

1. Hello,

From: sophiaa queen

Sent: Thursday, June 19, 2014 6:55 AM

To:  CBC

Hi dear, I'm Sophia by name! I saw your email today and i decided to write to you for us to know each other. It's kind of cool 

& interesting to write to you for us to be friends. I we be very happy to know more about you. If you wish to know more about me, reply me . For us to know each other very well as friends. I am waiting keep cool.......

Best Regards Sophia.

2.  RE: Hello,

From: CBC

Sent: Saturday, June 21, 2014 11:54 AM

To:sophiaa queen

Dear Sophia,

I am very lonely. My wife left me two months ago, and she took our dog Nestor with her. I also hurt my back and now I'm convalescing at home watching old episodes of The Rockford Files.

Have you ever watched The Rockford Files? It's a TV series starring James Garner. It starts out with a message on an answering machine, something about Jim Rockford forgetting to pick up his fish from the market or something of that nature. Anyway, Jim Rockford is an ex-con who is a private detective in Los Angeles. He wears tweedy sportcoats, lives in a trailer on the beach with his crusty father. I love this show. I watch two episodes every day, streaming on netflix. It's the only thing --other than hydrocodone-- that numbs my pain over Sarah leaving me, and Nestor's absence. (Nestor is a labradoodle.)

CC

3. Hello Dear, This Is All About Me‏!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

From: sophia hareef

Sent: Monday, June 23, 2014 2:29 AM

To: CBC

Hello Dear, I need your help, please!

Dearest, 

I'm happy for your mail, and I have vital reason for contacting you regarding my condition here. I am Miss Sophia Hareef, 22 years old lady from Republic of Rwanda.

I'm the only daughter of late Dr. Fabius Hareef. My late Dad, Dr. Fabius Hareef  was for many years, the Rwandan Government's chief Economist. He later resigned His public appointment and then created His Own Real Estate construction & management firm (ZHUBARI GROUP CO. LTD), Headquartered in Kigali, Capital city of Rwanda.

My late Dad was also The personal Economic adviser to our current President. Soon after the cold blooded assassination of my beloved parents, my step-mom began threatening me, and even plotted to assassinate me; Because She wanted to assume absolute control over all of my late father's Estates, Investments, and other high value properties; hence their sudden assassination.

Meanwhile, I had wanted to immigrate to Europe to studies, but my step mom set my belonging ablaze right under my watch, and burned my international passport and other valuable traveling documents. Luckily for me, my Late Father's personal Files were kept hidden away from our family house, and this is why they weren't also set ablaze by my step mom.

After these, I finally decided to escape into neighboring African nations, and at last I arrived this refugee camp.

Here in Dakar, Republic of Senegal I'm now an asylum seeker & political refugee, under United Nations High Commission for Refugees (UNHCR).

My Dearest, I contacted you for a long-term business relationship and investment assistance in your country.  My late Dad deposited about $5,700,000 (five million and seven hundred thousand dollars) in Standard Bank Plc, UK, and I am the next of kin. However, I can write much about the funds and will also give you vital details of the bank deposit on confirmation of your willingness to assist my claims of the money, and my demand for release, for transfer & investment of the funds in your country.

Besides claims & investment of the money, I'll also like to seek University admission upon arrival to your country, because I was still studying when forced to flee my family home in Kigali.

If we get on successfully well, I shall compensate you with 30% of the money for your assistance, while you keep the balance safe pending my investment capital.

Please, let all communications between us remain confidential; Call me with this phone number (+221772064077). Its not my own phone, I've no phone for now. But the Rev. Father of this Catholic Parish permitted me to use His office phone for daily calls with you, until we complete claims & transfer of the cash.

Once I receive your positive reply to be My Transfer Partner, I will put things to action immediately. I shall appreciate your urgent reply showing willingness/readiness to handle this transaction sincerely and honestly. I am in this Refugees camp's female hostel, and I'm waiting your positive response.

You must keep this secret & to yourself; You must not disclose it to any person whosoever, until the cash is successfully claimed & transferred to your account for me, and I safely arrive your home country. I hope my explanations are very clear, but, if you need further clarification, then send me your questions. I attached my photos so that you know me full well.. Thanks; and reply immediately.

Yours Sophia.

4. RE: Hello Dear, This Is All About Me‏!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

From: CBC

Sent: Monday, June 23, 2014 9:05 A.M.

To:sophiaa queen

Dear, dear Sophia,

I am writing you from my gmail account because I'm afraid of being monitored by my bosses. I can get in trouble for using my work email for personal purposes. Sometimes I feel like there's someone watching me at work, specifically a janitor whose blue smock seems too new and unused to be authentic.

I am horrified by the story you tell about the assassination of your parents and the loss of all of your property. I want to help you in some way.

As you already know, I am a fan of The Rockford Files. Jim Rockford is an honorable man, a man who dedicates his life to helping others.

Some people judge me improperly because I am so interested in this old television program. They say I pay too much attention to something that is not real, but I really disagree. It's important to believe in something, in an ideal, and ultimately we all live our lives based on ideals. I understand it's kind of stupid to get your ideals from a fictional character but in the end it's better to have good ideals than have none at all, and how you get them doesn't matter necessarily.

Anyway, I'm sorry to talk so much about this, all I wanted to say is that because I love Jim Rockford, I am willing to try to help you. This is what he would do.

What do you need? Do you need money to get out of the camp? Unfortunately, I only have $6,248.00 in my savings account, although next month I will have another $ 1,000.00. Because I am in the middle of a divorce, this is all the money I can spare at this time. My only concern is that I need a better assurance from you that you will indeed give me 30% of $5,700,000 like you say if I provide you with help. You say that it is based on us getting on reasonably well. I don't mean to be suspicious, but that is a very general statement, and the professional, business-like thing would be for us to draw up a contract over email that specifies what I will do and what you will do in return. When talking about so much money, I assume you would agree it's important to do things legally and correctly. This is as much for your protection as it is for mine.

I eagerly await your reply. I would like to make a difference in your life, you seem like a good person who has had some terrible experiences. Right now, I'm having a very hard time with my back pain, my divorce and with my beloved dog Nestor being gone. He used to sit between my legs when I stretched out on the couch to watch The Rockford Files.

Now I watch the program alone, it's hard, but your email has intrigued me. It is an opportunity for me to do something new in my life, something positive. My dream is to get a trailer, put it on a beach somewhere, and get my father to move in with me.

best

CBC

5. RE: RE: Hello Dear, This Is All About Me‏!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

From:sophia hareef

Sent: Tuesday, June 24, 2014 6:40 AM

To: CBC

Sweetly, It was distressing to learn about your recent divorce issues, the loss of your pet Dog, and your ailment with back pains  and your battles for treatment of the ailment. All I pray for in this moment of time is your complete recovery and for your emotional comfort. With hope that you will soon regain your health, strength and usual spirit to enable you help me.

You will Inquire from the bank; If they accept our request, then we'll proceed.. Please kindly call me to this tel phone number 00221772064077; even though I've no personal phone. I'd so much appreciate you, if you'd kindly call me now or at any other time, depending to your personal schedule.

We're suffering here and hoping to meet you soon after this transfer to your account. May God reward and bless you for all you are about to do to help me out of this deplorable condition, as a result of the incarceration of father in jail and his killing.  I deeply appreciate your willingness to help me transfer the money; Like I wrote in my previous letter, I have already informed the Management of Standard Bank Plc my plans to claim and transfer this money. After series of consultations with the Bank's management, and with Reverend Father Henry Yadema, I was finally advised to apply for claims, release, and transfer of this fund through a trusted/trustworthy foreign Partner.

Write a Cash Claims, Release, & Transfer request to Standard Bank UK; state that you're my foreign partner, and is acting on my behalf.  Remember to include your full names, and all other personal information.  Here are the Account Details of my late Father, and the contact of Standard Bank;

Name of Bank: STANDARD BANK PLC, U.K.

Email: standardbankplcsa@financier.com;  standardcharteredbankgroup@financier.com

Original Account Owner: late Dr. Fabius Hareef

Next of Kin: Sophia Hareef (daughter of Fabius Hareef)

Account number: ST74510893346/QB/91/CB.

Swift Number: 0234AC44.

Amount Deposited: USD$5.700.000.00

Person to Contact: Mr. JASPAL BINDRA

Contact them now on how to release and transfer this US$5.700.000.00 million dollars deposited by my late father, to I am next of kin. I'm planning immigration to your country immediately after successful release of the funds to your account for me; and pending onward transfer to your account. When you contact the Bank, Send me feedback from them.

6. RE: RE: RE:Hello Dear, This Is All About Me‏!‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏‏

From: CBC

Sent: Tuesday, June 24, 2014 5:37 P.M.

To:sophiaa queen

Sophia,

Regrettably, I cannot call you on the phone. My cell phone is under my wife's name, and she can see all the calls I make. More importantly, my AT & T calling plan does not allow me to make international calls. I do not know how I would go about calling you, and don't forget my mobility is limited because of my back problems. But thank you for talking to Standard Bank Plc about our plans. I intend to email them later today or tomorrow morning to make an inquiry on our behalf. I'm very excited about doing this, and beginning this process.

I never imagined that my dream of living on a Los Angeles beach in a trailer might be within reach. If I can accomplish this dream through our transaction, I think I can rebuild my life, start anew. I'm no fool: I understand I can't be Jim Rockford, but if I can approximate my lifestyle to his, it will make me happy. I even plan on buying some sportcoats and an old telephone answering machine so that fishmongers can live me phone messages about my orders for Rockfish and salmon. And then, just sitting in that small trailerish box as the sun goes down over the waves, drinking a mint julep, watching a black and white TV, writing in a composition book journal with a bic pen, and just being glad to be alive.

I want you to know that I think your plan for going back to school is excellent. I recommend the University of California at Los Angeles, that way we can see each other from time to time. You could live on campus in their international house and from time to time we could meet in Westwood, at one of those café's on the main drag there. It's a great place for seeing celebrities.

Once I saw Lou Ferrigno standing in a doorway (he was not so big, I remember thinking), and my best sighting was Barry Manilow. Do you know who Barry Manilow is? He's a brilliant singer and songwriter. You'll so enjoy spending time in Westwood! Rest assured I will not inconvenience you too much once you start your classes at UCLA. You are a very pretty girl, I can see that from your photos, but I can't think about you in a romantic way. I'm older than you, I am a man of honor, you would be like a treasured niece to me.

That is what Jim Rockford would want me to do, and that is what I want to do. It is decided. Please don't insist with me, no matter how much gratitude you feel for me after all of this over and done with.

I must go now. My back is hurting me more than usual. I am going to take some hydrocodone-acetaminophen right now and try to sleep, but I will write to the bank tomorrow or later when I wake up. Please be patient with this broken down man. Sweet dreams to you my cherished girl, please be patient as you sit by that hostel window, don't lose hope. Jim Rockford is on the case.

CC

7. Your love gives me courage to do anything big in life

From: sophiaa queen

Sent: Tuesday, June 24, 2014 6:17 P.M.

To: CBC

Sweetly, Your love gives me courage to do anything big in life.  please contact to Standard Chartered Bank for inquiry today!

I just cannot wait to get married to a good and loving man like you. I am very excited to know that you care for me; But all I like is of our marriage, but even these coming days are like months for me. You should contact to Standard chartered today, so that we'll commence the transfer immediately!

I'm waiting for this day to come. I remember the first time I emailed you and your good reply; I got a feeling that you are the one for me; But I also want to ask you, Do You Love And Cherish Me???.

I am really happy and excited to be your best friend and I am hoping that we'll get on well. You are the reason behind my happiness. You bring happiness and joy in my life. I will never separate from you and will live with you whole life. I am ready to face happy and tough times together with you. Your love gives me courage to do anything big in life.

Darling, you are the best thing ever happened in my life.

7b. Please accept my deep appreciation for your cordiality

From: sophiaa queen

Sent: Wednesday, June 25, 2014 7:40 A.M.

To:CBC

Please, accept my deep appreciation for your cordiality, trust and wholehearted support. With your support, we'll do the Transfer hence you're interested to help me; Complete this request and send to Standard Chartered for consideration. When you contact and receive their response, send me feedback!

STANDARD BANK PLC, U.K.

Email:  standardbankplcsa@financier.com; standardcharteredbankgroup@financier.com

Account Owner: Dr. Fabius Hareef

Next of Kin: Sophia Hareef (daughter of Fabius Hareef)

Account number: ST74510893346/CB/91/B. Swift Number: 0234AC44.

Dear Jaspal Bindra,

I am, -----------, residing at.......... I am resident and citizen of -------------; born on ............; my phone numbers are ..........; and My occupation is .........  My bank account number and name; .........; held in ............. Bank. Sophia Hareef permitted me to claim, demand immediate release and transfer of funds from her late Father's domiciliary account to my local account, to enable her resettlement in my home country. She is living as refugee in Republic of Senegal, I want immediate release and transfer of the funds o my account; And I pledge full cooperation to the best of my ability as her partner.

Yours Sincerely,

8. RE: Your love gives me courage to do anything big in life

From: CBC

Sent: Wednesday, June 25, 2014 9:29 A.M.

To: sophiaa queen

Dear Sophia,

My dear girl, you are such a tender, pretty creature. I'd be lying if I said that your declarations of affection do not affect me. I feel stirrings in me that are unexpected, a firmness comes upon me at the thought of making a life with you, intimately. But you need to understand that the only reason you have feelings for me is because I am being kind to you and I can possibly help you. Your gratitude and expectation have clouded your judgment. A beautiful girl like you would not be satisfied by a middle-aged man like me, prone to melancholy, back strain and television. I accept your praise in the spirit it is given and thank you for your kindness. In my present circumstances, kind words are encouraging and they are gift I thank you for. I shall be your friend, without any fringe benefits other than my trailer on the beach. I shall be your uncle from another family, so to speak, your private Jim Rockford. And I shall give your hand in marriage to whomever you choose, once you are settled here in the United States, but only if you deem me deserving of such an honor.

After writing to the bank in a few moments, I was planning on researching academic programs for you at UCLA. What are you interested in studying? History? Engineering? English literature? Let me know some programs that might interest you and I will at once contact those departments and find out about enrollment requirements for foreign nationals. When I was in college, I was an English major, and I heartily recommend any major related to literature to you. Nothing prepares you better for life and middle age than studying Shakespeare, or reading Flaubert's The Sentimental Education. But I leave it to you to decide. I will support you, and help you, with any course of study you choose. Are you a science minded person? Or are you more inspired by literature and art? Let me know and I will call the college and find out about your prospects.

Again, thank you for the sweet things you said in your last email. They made my eyes a little bit moist and rejuvenated me. Don't you worry. There is a good man in your future, a good younger man, someone strong and vital, who will be your champion. I will help you through this crisis and help you find that man, and if you want, help you marry him. And then I will go back to my trailer and lead my life quietly, as the waves roll outside my windows.

CBC

8b.  I am concerned

From: CBC

Sent: Tuesday, June 25, 2014 4:45 P.M.

To: sophiaa queen

Dear Sweetheart,

I am concerned. I wrote an email to Jaspal Bindra as you instructed. I explained to him that my bank accounts are in my wife's name and that the best thing I could do was open a new bank account in my name alone so that I will be able to do our transaction. I do control a personal savings account that has a few thousand dollars in it and I told him that I'd like to get that money to you immediately so that you can be removed from that hostel, get a visa and come and live near me. (I'll get you an apartment.)  I told him that I could take cash out of my savings without my wife knowing and send it via Western Union or by way of some emmisary. A few hours later, I received an automated reply and then Mrs. Jane Lewise wrote to me with a form for me to fill out. The form does not acknowledge my situation right now or my questions to Mr. Bindra. How does Mrs. Jane Lewise know about our situation? Why didn't she say anything in her email to me? I find the customer service provided by this bank to be lacking in professionalism and helpfulness. Are you certain you want to work with this bank?

I had another idea this afternoon that I wanted to share with you, because I do not trust Mr. Bindra to reply, now that he has passed on our case to Mrs. Lewise, who is a total stranger to me. My idea is that in order to get you out of that refugee camp and to the U.S. as soon as possible, I could send you cash in the mail. I could hide it in a Rockford Files Season 1 DVD case. If I send it urgent mail to Senegal it will only cost me about $88 and you will get it by next Tuesday or Wednesday. Then you can take the money (a few thousand) and get a visa and a ticket to come here. (And it excites me to know that you could start watching the Rockford Files in Senegal, and get to know me better, and in some way, grow closer to me and this dream of mine to own a trailer on the beach. If all goes according to plan, we might find ourselves in that trailer, sitting at a cozy table in its kitchenette, holding warm mugs of coffee in our palms as we talk quietly about your university courses at UCLA.)

I also want you to know that I've called my friend Steve Jesterman to ask him to take me to the bank tomorrow to open up a new bank account in my name alone. Don't worry: he doesn't know about you yet. You asked me not to say anything. But eventually you will meet him and you will love him. My appointment tomorrow is for 11:30 AM central time, which in Dakar, Senegal will be 4:30 PM. I expect that the account will be created by 5:30 PM Senegal time. Then I will have the capability to send my account information to a bank. But we need to talk about this: Are you sure Standard Bank will be a good partner for us? Have you considered HSBC Wales? I've heard good things about it.

I hope you're not upset with me because of my last email. I hope you don't feel rejected by me. Of course I cherish you, that is why I am helping you. I hope you will love me a little, but not as a husband or a lover. We are friends, or my hope is that I can be like family to you. My relationship with you promises to give me a new life.

In terms of our situation, for tomorrow, should I send the form to Standard bank or should I make an inquiry with HSBC Wales in the UK? I assume they provide the same services at Standard Bank and maybe they will be more responsive.

Also, where can I send you some cash so that I can get you out of that refugee camp? Besides buying a plane ticket, you are welcome to buy any nice things you like, like shoes and handbags. You are a pretty young woman, and you deserve to feel beautiful and confident after all of the trauma you've been through. If I can help with that, it will make me feel happy.

CBC

PS please let me know about your academic interests so that I can contact the University of California Los Angeles about potential courses of study and admission requirements. I've decided that I will pay for your courses in the first year. I know you will have a great deal of money, but I think I can afford this and I insist.

9. My Sweetheart, I have read your mail

From: sophiaa queen

Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2014 5:21 P.M.

To: CBC

My Sweetheart, I have read your mail, and I am very very happy for what you've written. Hence you will finance my immigration to USA; I am ready to come any moment, and you will send the money to me tomorrow morning through Western Union to Rev. Henry Yadema. I do not know how much my immigration to USA will cost in money until I make inquiry tomorrow morning. But we'll also do the transfer on arrival and resettlement in USA. In short, I will try to ask Rev. Yadema about the visa and travel requirement now,   Then In the morning, I shall go to make inquiry concerning Travel requirements for my immigration to USA, then I will write back to let you know whatever my findings may be. I know its all about money, with money, I will be able to obtain a visa to USA within few days because everything here in Senegal is about money and about knowing prominent personalities.

10. I am concerned

From: CBC

Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2014 5:49 P.M.

To: sophiaa queen

Dearest Sophia,

Excellent. I understand about corruption in Senegal. What's important is to get you away from there, and over here, where things are not that way. As soon as I hear from you I will call Steve Jesterman and make plans for him to drive me to Western Union. I will let you know what time he can drive me and that way you will know at what time to expect the money. All I ask is that you be sure to bring the Rev. Yadema with you because the idea of you waiting alone at the Western Union office in Dakkar to pick up the money really scares me. I don't want anything to happen to you.

10b. One request?

From: CBC

Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2014 5:58 P.M.

To: sophiaa queen

Sophia,

I'm getting ready for bed now. It's just me alone here in the empty house. I am going to read our emails over again while I lay in bed and plan for the future. I feel like I've shared a lot about me, but there's still so much I don't know about you! Would you find it impertinent of me, or too forward if I asked you to tell me more about who you are? I would imagine that you find it hard to share details about who you are, and what your feelings are with strangers like me, no matter how kind I might seem to be. I wouldn't blame you if that were the case. Our life stories are so different. I come from a comfortable life of privilege and you are a refugee who has lost nearly everything. You have been touched by violence and I have not. You are African and I am American. May I ask you what is your favorite color? (I'd like to get you a present, that's the truth). Here's another question: do you like to wear trainers, like adidas or puma, or do you only wear sandals? Are you a Christian, and if so, what denomination? Anything you tell me, however silly, or small, will be a comfort, because I am not working now and what I do is wait for your emails, and I reread them constantly. Especially the one where you said you found me to be a kind and good person--that was so touching, I thank you again for your trust. Anyway, to know a little bit more about you would make me so happy and help me get through my days and nights. You have taken over my life over the past two days. Helping you is the only thing I think about.

CBC

11. My Love,, this is my bio data, and our camp address;‏‏‏reply me soon

From: sophiaa queen

Sent: Friday, June 27, 2014 6:23 A.M.

To: CBC

My Love,, this is my bio data, and our camp address;‏‏‏‏

N'Dioum UNHCR Refugees' Encampment,

HLM Grande Yoff-GY, Unite 18,  Villa No. 245.

En face Pharmacie Touba Sandaga; Dakar, Republic of Senegal

My name is Sophia Hareef

My age is 22 years old (Born in July 16, 1992).

My home country is The Republic of Rwanda

I'm a Refugee/political asylum seeker here, under the protection of CWS/UNHCR.

My Home town is Butare Province.

Birth place is in Butare, Republic of Rwanda

I am interested in Studying Business Management or Political science!

I love gorgeous dresses, especially Red, Blue, Pink, Orange, and Black colors; My best choice of dresses is Casual Jeans, Mini Skirts, colorful shoes, and many more... I like watching movies, listening to hip hop music; I'm an ardent fan of music. I'm cool, nice, gentle, liberal minded; But I'm also silly at times, I make mistakes too. Play a lot of scrabble, watch movies a lot especially action, sci- fi and comedy thriller. I'm a very focused and highly motivated individual. My friends like me because I'm straight up and candid in all views and discussion that comes up. They also like my honesty and my Devotion to Church activities (I was Born and Baptized a Roman Catholic Christian, and that's my Congregation to date). In short, I'm a sincere, honest, deeply caring and deeply religious person; So all I want is A LIFE LONG SOUL MATE, Dedicated Lover, Best Friend, You will be there for me and I will also be there for.

As for the Transfer, Rev. Yadema advised me that it will be better for us to claim the funds whenever I arrive USA and Meet you live so that we'll be in the position to combine or coordinate our efforts in this regard.

My Dearest, All I need is money for acquisition a new international passport and few other vital Travel permits like Consular card, Police Attestation Report, official Age Declaration, Carte Judicial, and Fitness and Vaccination Certificate; With all these papers, I will become automatically eligible for a USA Immigrant visa or Tourist visa application.  The Travel and Tour agency (Best Class Travels & Tour Sa) we consulted this morning advised us that it will be too costly for me to apply for a student visa; They advised me that Tourist visa can be obtained within 7days from the date we pay them. Cost of the Immigrant or Tourist visa is €2,700 euro;  Then the remaining €1,000 euro is the exact cost estimate for acquisition of all the vital travel papers, including a New International Paspport (which can be issued within 2days if I pay for express service). When the estimated costs are combined, my travel papers and An Immigrant or Tourist via will cost €3,700 euro.  But when you will be sending the money, I like you to kindly add small extra money to the €3,700 euro for me, just for Transportation during the processes and for food. Thanks in advance for it.

Send it through Western Union money transfer, to  REVEREND HENRY YADEMA, see His name and details below;

Name of receiver: HENRY YADEMA

Address of receiver:  HLM Grande Yoff-GY, Unite 18,

City and Country:   Dakar, Republic of Senegal

This is also His mobile number: 00221772064077

Reply me soon.

12. RE: My Love,, this is my bio data, and our camp address;‏‏‏reply me soon

From: CBC

Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2014 11:25 A.M.

To: sophiaa queen

Dear Sophia,

OK, I can send 4,000.00 euros, I hope that will be enough. Please let me know. That leaves me with a few hundred dollars in my savings account to make preparations here, like opening a new bank account in my name. I just printed out your information so that I can send the transfer properly later. In a few minutes, I will call Steve Jesterman to find out about him driving me to Western Union. After the money is wired I will let you know via email.

I am fascinated by the things you tell me about who you are and what you like. You sound so charming. I shudder at your youth. Many innocent 22 year-old-girls like you are looking for soul mates, but please be careful. Sometimes men only use women. You know that, right? Even nice, educated men can be shifty and unreliable.

This reminds me of an episode of the Rockford Files from season 4 (1978), titled "Taco, Bag of Fries." In this episode, Jim is helping Madge Wainwright find her sister Clarice, who disappeared after a date on the Santa Monica pier with a boy called Toni Fumelli. To make a long story short, Clarice was sweet talked by Toni, who is a gangster, and taken off to Topanga Canyon to live behind the prison like walls of a mansion with Toni's shrewish mother Ricarda. Rockford has to sneak in to get her out, pretending to be a bespectacled Ambassador Gold vacuum cleaner salesman in a white smock. Classic.

My favorite part is when the bastard who kidnapped Clarice confronts Jim with a gun and our hero replies: "while you're pointing that at me, could you throw in a taco and a bag of fries?" That's one of my favorite Rockford quotes. So dry, so sardonic, so Garnerian. Anyway, my point is this: Clarice was also an innocent little thing and she was fooled by a handsome bad man and made to go missing. This is what I mean. You need to be on your guard when looking for love. I propose you set your sights lower and simply try to make friends and not rush into anything, ever, with anyone. Don't think about soul mates. Think about being independent and networking and building real relationships for your future.

I found a vintage trailer for a few thousand dollars that I think I could fix up after we sort out the bank transfer business. It's very Rockfordian, it might do the trick. I'm attaching a photo of it, as well as a photo of Jim Rockford and his cantankerous dad, "Rocky" in the background.

Soon,

CBC

13. My love the 4,000 euro is very very okay

From: sophiaa queen

Sent: Friday, June 27, 2014 12:30 P.M.

To: CBC

My love,  the €4,000 euro you're going to send is very very okay by me. Thank you! For your advise to me, thank you too, and I'll try to be careful; Already, I'm never flirtatious, just that i usually love and trust very easily.

I would like to reveal that you have stolen my heart; You now mean everything to me. Though you are struggling with ailment and i am also struggling with difficult living conditions and if we join our hands  for the entire rest of life then we could overcome all the hurdles of life. I love you so much, and I now want you to promise to sincerely help me and Maybe marry me. I'm ready to do it, and I'll shower my love on you. Honey, in future we will have our kids, we will have our beautiful family and there would be peace, love and security in our hearts.

God has sent you to me as a gift of this love. Yes, you are my dream darling that I was praying for. I feel that your entry in my life is going to be a great turning point toward everything good for me; Because I've always desired to live, study and work in the USA. You're now in the process of helping me realize all my beautiful dreams. It would be one of the milestones I've desired to achieve in life. In the wetness of my love I will make you shower to refreshment, that you will forget all the sorrows of your life.

You're my Sweetheart and My SweetDream!

I love your style!

Once more, please Send the €4,000 euro through Western Union money transfer, to  REVEREND HENRY YADEMA, see His name and details below;

Name of receiver: HENRY YADEMA

Address of receiver:  HLM Grande Yoff-GY, Unite 18,

City and Country:   Dakar, Republic of Senegal

This is also His mobile number: 00221772064077

14. (No Subject)

From: CBC

Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2014 3:36 P.M.

To: sophiaa queen

Sophia,

I'm very confused by your email. I wish you would not say those things. You make me question my opinions and feelings, which are honorable. You know I never looked for your love, for that kind of marriage love, I am just trying to be like Jim Rockford. All I wanted was to have a trailer on the beach, and quiet days, drinking a mint julep and writing in my composition book with a bic pen. I want to be close to the waves of the sea, and live a quiet life, take long walks in sandals on the beach to get tacos on the Santa Monica pier, stop to watch the surfers, pick up a seashell, and put it in my pocket as the sun sets on the horizon. But you make me question all of this with your words, because you are very beautiful, and I am alone. How can I not feel anything when you write such strong words? I don't know what to say. I have so many feelings.

But what is urgent now is the money, to get you out of there immediately, we can talk about feelings later.

I opened up a new back account in my name, so progress is made. I have the cash in my pocket to wire to you but when I went to Western Union with Steve Jesterman, they told me the address did not fit in their system. They asked me if I was referring to one of these locations:

ATPS PETIT NGOR Petit Ngor Dakar, +0022-176-5919795

SILICON VALLEY 6 Diamalaye Ii N 6 Dakar, Senegal 221 +221-338208847

UIMCEC 4 Camp Penal Lot N 1 Dakar, Senegal 221 +221-338676109

BIS LIBERTE 6 Rond Point Liberte 6 Dakar, Dakar 0000000 +221-33-8496262

They had more addresses, but these were the ones that came up on their computer first when I gave them the address you gave me. Is one of these the correct one? If you could please resend the address in the correct format, to look like one of these, maybe that will work. Or can Rev. Yadema go to one of the locations listed above? Steve says he can come back and drive me again to Western Union today. Let me know and I will do it.

I'm feeling very anxious and confused, I don't know why.

15. My address is correct: Grande Yoff, Unite 18, Villa N° 245; Dakar, Republic of Senegal

From: sophiaa queen

Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2014 4:53 P.M.

To: CBC

I wasn't referring to any of the locations you listed in your mail.

My address is correct, Send the money to the name of Reverend and address I've written below.

Name of receiver: HENRY YADEMA

City:  Dakar

Country:  Republic of Senegal

This is also His mobile number: 00221772064077

15b. I still appreciate the name of God for Your good effort in my life

From: sophiaa queen

Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2014 5:05 P.M.

To: CBC

Subject: 

I still appreciate the name of God for Your good effort in my life and i keep asking God to continue to keep His Hands over us because i know and have the strong Faith that God is Forever and always able to handle our situation no matter the difficulties, but my God will always bless you for me because you are such a nice and kind person to me and my life now depends on you for survival, even though i don't have the power to reward you for all these effort to save my life out of here but i am sure that my God in heaven will reward you. Please, send the money to this info "My address is correct, Send the money to the name of Reverend and address I've written below.

Name of receiver: HENRY YADEMA

City:  Dakar

Country:  Republic of Senegal

This is also His mobile number: 00221772064077". Thank you in advance and Have a nice day.

I am waiting your reply.

says - Sophia.

16. Re: I still appreciate the name of God for Your good effort in my life

From: CBC

Sent: Thursday, June 26, 2014 10:01 P.M.

To: sophiaa queen

Sophia,

It's OK, you're allowed to be frustrated with me. Don't try to hide it with God. I know you're scared and desperate, and who wants to listen to a lonely middle-aged, suburban, middle-class, overweight white man go on and on about his feelings? There is nothing more boring, or more irrelevant, for a woman who is in your situation. If I were you, I would be impatient with me and my inability to quickly send the money you need. I won't bore you with more dramas about me at this time. I want this email to be factual, and to only contain INFORMATION. I don't want to disappoint you again or make you take that tone with me again.

I need to say a few things because you may not hear from me for a long time.

I went to a different Western Union with Steve Jesterman early this evening, and sent the money. The man who worked there was a Russian fellow and it was difficult to communicate with him because he had a lisp and I wasn't sure what he was saying, plus I was distracted by the fact he was wearing a red Lenin pin on his yellow vest. But I gave him Rev. Yadema's information and the cash and the MTCN number is 5613464654 with serial number 6395-408AK.  Use those numbers to claim the money. That is 4,000 euros.

I called my wife about the divorce and I think we came to a good solution. She will sell our house, where I'm living now (she's living with her new boyfriend), and we will split the money we make on the sale. She believes we can get anywhere between 200 and 300,000 dollars for the house. We are going to divorce amicably, without lawyers or anything like that. I was talking to Steve Jesterman about it after the phone call and he agreed I should just move to California immediately. So that is what I'm doing. I'm leaving tomorrow. Hopefully in a month or two I will have the money from the sale of the house, and the 30% of the money you offered me, and I will be able to buy a trailer on the beach, in addition to many more things. I need to get a gold Pontiac Firebird Esprit with the license plate 853 OKG, just like Jim Rockford. Right now, my plan is to drive out to California, rent a hotel room in Santa Monica and start a new life. I plan to start looking at trailers immediately.

Talking to you has been a very confusing experience, especially the last two messages. I think it best if we had a little more distance, a break from each other. Now you have my money and you can escape Dakkar. I don't care about the rest. My challenges are much less serious than yours, but I am passionate about living like Jim Rockford on the beach in a trailer with mint juleps and a telephone answering machine. These are things a woman like you cannot understand because you don't know how important James Garner is to the cultural history of the United States of America. He is a model man, an icon, a symbol, a person that people my age look up to. Do you know who John Wayne is? Maybe you do. Well, James Garner is like John Wayne, except he is more noble, more gentle and not a racist jerk. He's a famous Democrat and I even forgive him for being friends with the actor James Woods, who is a Tea Party sympathizer. In sum, James Garner is like the father I never had, and the friend that I need the most right now.

You don't understand these things because you've never seen his television program The Rockford Files. You've never seen Rocky (except in the photo I sent you), and you've never seen the trailer they shared. You've never heard the program's musical theme song which is one of the best instrumental pieces of music to be produced in the 1970's. So I'm going to enjoy my long drive and I'm going to think about Jim Rockford and Jim Garner. I need Jim Rockford a lot more than I need a new wife, and that's not because I'm gay, I'm not, but because I've already been married, I've had dreams die and my heart broken before. Sometimes a man needs the companionship of another man, for mentorship, for encouragement, to learn how to be strong. Think of it this way: you have your reverend, and I have my reverend.

You do what you have to do. I will do what I have to do. We will treat this like a friendly business transaction and not be sentimental about this. I follow the Jim Rockford code: I help you because it's the right thing to do and because you are paying me. I will be friendly but I will not be your lover or your husband.

Goodbye for now. I am leaving at 7 AM Central Time to drive to California.

17. MTCN IS NOT CORRECT, SEND THE CORRECT MONEY TRANSFER DETAILS

From: sophiaa queen

Sent: Friday, June 27, 2:07 A.M.

To: CBC

MY LOVE,

I HAVE SEEN YOUR MAIL CONCERNING THE MONEY TRANSFER TO ME BY WESTERN UNION. BUT THE MTCN NUMBER IS NOT CORRECT, SEND ME THE CORRECT WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER DETAILS FOR CONFIRMATION AND RECUPERATION OF THE SENT CASH.

1. SENDER'S NAMES

2. SECRET QUESTION AND SECRET ANSWER

3. MONEY TRANSFER CONTROL NUMBERS (MTCN)

4. MOBILE NUMBER OF SENDER

5. EXACT AMOUNT SENT  AND AMOUNT RECEIVABLE IN SENEGAL.

PLEASE, SCAN THE MONEY TRANSFER RECEIPT AND SEND TO ME IN YOUR NEWT EMAIL; SEND IT AS EMAIL ATTACHMENT. I AM WAITING, PLEASE SEND THE CORRECT DETAILS NOW.

I LOVE YOU, AND I AM THANKFUL TO YOU IN ADVANCE FOR YOUR EFFORT TO HELP ME OUT OF HERE.

The Military-Literary Complex

Not so long ago, American corporate media willingly accepted a set of new conditions and limitations in exchange for the privilege of reporting on the frontlines of Iraq, such as they existed. The military bed was a place of censorship, where reports underwent military review prior to publication. But more importantly, the failures of the bed were ones of sympathy and lack: by focusing on one story—the story of an all-volunteer American army—embedded journalism failed to report on the experiences of the vast majority of people—unarmed Iraqi civilians—conscripted by American policy into a life of violent war and brutal occupation.

The military bed is not a thing of the past, but its home has changed. Over the last few years, the practice of embedding has been moved from the chambers of journalism into those of literature. The story of how it moved involves an unlikely array of governmental, commercial, educational and grass-roots organizations—including the Department of Defense, the Veterans Administration, the National Endowment for the Arts (NEA), the Boeing Corporation, grassroots veterans support groups, MFA programs, publishers and professional and amateur literary associations—that have come together to extend embedded writing into the heart of American letters. (Read More)

More Phiction (updated, July 17)

What is phiction? It is a collaborative and semi-anonymous storytelling game that begins with a fraud attempt via email. The rules are simple: 1.) extend the conversation with the email scammer as long as possible; and 2.) be as absurd as possible. It's easy to do one or the other, but hard to do both at the same time. This conversation began on June 6, and ended on July 2. Odd-numbered emails belong to the phisher, even-numbered emails belong to my old friend, Steve Jesterman and his lover, the famous Elsa Matamoros. For more in this genre, go here.

1. June 6. OUR NOTICE TO YOU

From: Dr. Tanimu Kurfi, The Newly re-appointed Chief economic adviser to Nigerian President.

To: Sir

Due to reports received by the presidency alleging Predominant cases of illegal extortion of money from foreign contractors by irresponsible Nigeria Officials. A meeting was held on 10th may, 2014 between federal executive council and the newly governor of Central bank of Nigeria, the Auditor general of the federation and Accountant general of the federation towards enforcement of Contract payment to foreign contractors without those problems that characterized the past.in the meeting, it was agreed that henceforth, all form of payment between foreign contractors and federal government shall be handled by our office, so that due process and transparency shall be in place.

In view of the aforementioned, this office was directed by the office of the presidency to communicate with foreign contractors in these regard. Furthermore, if any person contacts you from Central bank of Nigeria in respect of your fund payment now we have to, treat that person as a common criminal is only this office will direct you to Central bank.

It was also brought to our notice that some certain individuals are fraudulently using names of Top government officials to defraud innocent contractors of their hard earned money. Please always forward such contacts to us and ignore such people and their elicit activities.As soon as you get back to us, I will update you on the things required of you to do urgently to enable us forward your payment file/contact details C B N  to Our paying bank in oversea.We sincerely apologize for the harm the delay in your fund payment might have caused you/business.Your urgent response is highly needed to avoid delay as the presidency has mandated my office to make sure that all outstanding long over due contractors payment is settled as soon as possible after investigated and satisfied okay by my office of such claim.

Yours Sincerely,

DR TANIMU KURFI, Newly appointed- Chief Economic Adviser to the president of Nigeria

2. June 6. Re: OUR NOTICE TO YOU

To the Esteemed Dr. Kurfi, 

I am very pleased to hear this news, as my lawyer had deemed that my previous communications with agents of the accountancy were possibly suspect in nature. I am very eager, as you can imagine, to move ahead with the transfer of funds to my business venture, as the influx of capital will make a profound difference in my ability to sustain operations and growth in the field of development. No problem, we might say. Indeedy, such are the vagaries of life, as so many of the wisest minds have opined throughout the ages.

Please do let me know what the next steps of the fund transfer will entail. 
I remain yours, faithfully, as ever, 
Steve Jesterman, Esq.

3. June 9. YOUR MAIL IS NOTED PLEASE FILL THE ATTACHMENT DOCUMENT

From: Dr. Tanimu Kurfi, The Newly re-appointed Chief economic adviser to Nigerian President
Attn. Steve Jesterman, Esq

We received your respective mails, which you categorically stated that our transmit correspondence mail gets to you

In respect to payment guidelines to all contractors, you are here by advised to forward cell phone /fax lines and your ID for records purpose and for accreditation by our legal department in your favor, please fill this ATTACHMENT DOCUMENT FOR ACCREDITION when we get all this from you  we update you on what next to do this was the reason why the former Governor of C.B.N, Mr. Lamido Sanusi was being suspended from the office because alleging Predominant cases of illegal extortion of money from foreign contractors by irresponsible Nigerians, we are going to forward your information to the Newly re-appointed C, B, N,Governor to contact you for as soon we get all this from you this payment proceed and it must be bank to bank wire transfer and you have to have be there in person in one of our oil resver bank account over seas

Thanks
Have a nice day
Thanks and remain bless,
Regards
Dr. Tanimu Kurfi

3b. June 13. Am Still Waiting

Dear sir

How are you today

am still wating for you reply

thanks
have a nice day

DR TANIMU KURFI

4. June 14. Re: Am Still Waiting

To the Esteemed and ever-patient Dr. Kurfi,
My apologies for the delay in my response. You may have wondered where I have gone? You did, Sir, did you not? As it happens, I am currently rededicating my life to our Lord Savior, Redeemer of the Lost and Forgotten, Picker-Upper of the Stray, Adopter of the Orphaned. To this end, I have joined the ranks on the Santiago de Campostela pilgrims. As a sign of my devotion, I decided to walk the entire length on my knees. 

And so, Dear Dr. Kurfi, you have an image of the torment and ecstasy I have gone through since our last exchange. Today, my knees hurt too much to carry on, and so I have ensconsed myself in an internet cafe in St. Jean de la Luz. 

I would like to move forward with this rare opportunity you have offered me. I am not in a position today to print up and sign the form you sent me. But I am sending you a copy of my birth certificate — certified certified, you will see — and hope we can come to some other arrangemeent. You will likely need other information from me as well, such as my Social Security Number, my bank account numbers and so on. When the time is appropriate, I will gladly send these to you via secure email. 

My best wishes, Sir!
Steve Jesterman, Esq.

5. June 18. Sorry for Late Response

ATTN: STEVE JESTERMAN, ESQ.

Dear Sir,

Sorry for late response to your mal. It is good to be dedicated in the worship of  the lord Jesus. Good to hear that you joined the ranks on the Santiago de Campostela pilgrims. I hope it was fulfilling?

I actually appreciated the torment and stress your long awaited payment must have caused you. How much have you spent towards this payment? Can you say the precise amount? If you cannot, you can guess how much.

No matter your tight schedule, I encourage you to print and complete the form which was sent to you so that we can go ahead with the final vetting of your payment file. In addition, I expect you to send your drivers license or international passport or any other valid id despite the birth certificate .At the appropriate time, other vital information will be needed but not now.

Yours Sincerely,
DR TANIMU KURFI
Newly appointed Chief Economic Adviser to the president of Nigeria
 

6. June 18. Re: Sorry for Late Response

Greetings to you, Sir.

Thank you for your letter, which arrived at the right time, like a message from heaven itself. Your kind words were a salve to my broken soul, and had a positively opiatic effect on my body, much like the extra dose of tramadol just administered to me by the young Galician nurse, Elsa, who has not left my bedside since I was admitted to urgent care.

You see, Dr. Kurfi, since our last communication, I have been admitted to Nuestra Señora de la Desaparacíon Hospital in a very bad state. It seems that my desire to undertake such a grueling holy journey on bare knees was ill-advised. The doctors have told me that the wounds in my right leg were more serious than the scratches I had thought them to be. The combination of torn-skin and the broken sewer line outside Pamplona were an unfortunate septic combination, and now my very blood is tainted. 

You will be cheered to know that my faith remains, as ever, undaunted and as firm as the iron nails once driven into our Lord’s flesh. My window looks out onto the famed waters of the Balsa de Ezkoriz and for the past 24 hours I have gazed at the blue lake while Elsa reads to me from the poetry of Bécquer. You can, I am sure, imagine how relaxing this would be to a man in good health. But for a man who is about to lose the use of his legs, and perhaps his life too, these are but little consolations. 

You ask about the funds I have spent in my quest, let us just say that, including the cost of the mule who patiently bore this sorry pilgrim's belongings down the paving stones of the sacred road, it amounts to no more than $5000.00, American. This is a humble sum, but it shows the extent of my devotion.

Your constancy in my plight gives me hope. In pursuance to your query, please find my driver’s license, issued last year. My financial information is available upon request.
Best wishes to you, 
Steve Jesterman

7. June 19: THANKS GOD FOR YOUR HEALTH

From: Dr.Tanimu Kurfi, The Newly re-appointed Chief economic adviser to Nigerian President.

Attn; Steven Isaac Jesterman

Greetings to you, Sir how was your health today? Thank you for your mail our GOD is going to hill your soul in JESUS name Amen I have  referred your payment file to newly appointed Governor of Central bank of nigeria to contact you any moment from now am expecting you contact details your mobil cell phone and fax lines try as much as possible to send it today you  are advised  to  write the amount in figure bcos of your health
Thanks for your understanding

Regards

Dr. Tanimu Kurf

8. June 19: Re: THANKS GOD FOR YOUR HEALTH

Dearest Dr. Tanimu, 

Sir, your words have a positively liberating effect on me, as if the angels themselves have sent you to me to free me from the prison I was in. Surely you will wonder at the meaning of my words — but I am not exaggerating when I say that you have emancipated me, and with me, my new life partner, Elsa, whom I mentioned in my last email. I write to you from Madrid-Barajas airport, waiting to board a plane to Lagos. Allow me to explain.

In my last missive, I mentioned that I had been admitted to a small, lakeside hospital outside Pamplona. On admission, the doctors had told me that I was suffering from acute blood poisoning, exhaustion and dehydration. For two days, the doctor attempted to stabilize my condition before performing surgery to amputate my legs at the knee. Imagine the irony, Sir!, of this cutting of bone and flesh at precisely the joint where my body had met the paving stones of the Holy Road! Is there nothing more absurd than to test your faith by stone and thorn, then to find that God has decreed to chop off your legs forever more? Elsa, in her patient and loving way (I will come back to that soon), comforted me by reminding me that this would mean I would spend the rest of my life in knee-ful prayer. 

And so, two days went by as I drifted in and out of consciousness, aware only Elsa’s soft voice reciting the inimitable words of Gustavo Adolfo Bécquer, 

Cuando en la noche te envuelven

Cuando entre la sombra oscura,

Cuando me lo contaron sentí el frío

Cuando miro el azul horizonte

Cuando sobre el pecho inclinas

Cuando volvemos las fugaces horas

¡Cuántas veces, al pie de las musgosas

¿De dónde vengo?... El más horrible y áspero

De lo poco de vida que me resta

Dejé la luz a un lado, y en el borde

Del salón en el ángulo oscuro

Despierta, tiemblo al mirarte

Sir, you know these words, do you not? Might you indulge me as I explain how they affected me? They positively tore me apart, even as I began to fall in love with the voice that pronounced them. 

It is true, Sir, that I am an old romantic, attuned to the slightest tremors of sound and light, and fearfully aware that our mortality is never more than a step away from where we stand. 

And now, I think you can appreciate the state of mind I was in when your words arrived. I smiled, I laughed. I shouted to the sky, “I am rich! My Nigerian funds are finally being released! I am saved! All my hard work in the Bonga Field will be recompensed! Governor Diepreye Alamieyeseigha has kept his promise, and Dr. Kurfi has, once again, saved me from misery and despair!”

It was only at that point that I looked over and noticed Elsa. She was positively stunned to see my state so transformed. She touched the habit she was wearing, as if to make sure it was still on. I have, Sir, mentioned to you that my dear Elsa is an nun in the Order of the Fleeting Compensation? I have misspoke, for it is more accurate to say that she *was* a nun.

And at that moment, she was still a nun. She turned to me and asked me to divulge the news I had received. It was then, and only then, that I opened my heart to her and shared the truth of my condition — namely that I had a guardian angel named Dr. Tanimu Kurfi, who was finally releasing the funds I had earned over 15 years of work for the Shell Corporation the Niger Delta. Those were hard years spent, I am not ashamed to say, with gun in hand and blood on my lips. I am not afraid of God’s judgment.

Elsa shuddered and then told me a secret I was not prepared to hear. It floored me, in fact — and I suspect it will shock you. The secret, Elsa said, was that I was not sick at all, but that when I was admitted a new Doctor in the hospital had insisted on taking on my case. This same doctor insisted on overseeing all the testing and so on — and had been so adamant about this, that he had made some of the nurses suspicious. Collectively, they had decided to post Elsa to watch over me, which she did, in her own poetical way. 

Will it surprise you, Sir, to learn that this doctor is Nigerian? Will it surprise you to learn, as Elsa soon showed me, that he was none other than the former Major-General Godswill Tamuno of the Movement for the Emancipation of the Niger Delta? In short, Sir, while on pilgrimage to Santiago, I had unwittingly placed myself in the reach of my old nemesis — and was now a prisoner in a jail of his own making. And, as Elsa reminded me, in the morning this same man — with whom I had battled countless times, was preparing to amputate my legs!

Elsa and I wasted no time. While I gathered my papers and books, she scoured the hospital for civilian clothes, and found an old Basque sheepherder’s outfit for me, complete with cane. Within one hour, Elsa and I had fled the hospital, intent on leave el País Vasco behind us. We boarded a train for Madrid, and that night, as Elsa and I shared a bunk, she removed her habit and with it, the corporeal promises she had once made to our Lord Jesus. May I admit to you that I was glad for the comforts that were soon to follow? I suspect our Lord will be angry with me, since I have stolen what was by all rights His — but it was worth it and He is, after all, a Forgiving God, is He not?

We arrived shortly after dawn, and took a taxi to the airport. And now we have another hour until we board our flight, Iberia 3336. We arrive in Lagos tonight at 8:35. Can I ask for you to have someone to pick us up at the airport, or shall we plan on meeting in person soon thereafter? It is fine if you are not able to come to the airport. I will purchase a sim card on arrival (is there any particular carrier you would recommend?) and call you in the morning if we do not see you.

And now, finally, to answer your question about the amount: it is no less than $5,000,000. Though I am owed interest, I will be happy to simply recover that amount. You are a godsend for setting right what has been wrong.

With my very best wishes to you, Sir!

Steve Jesterman, ESQ.

9. June 21: AM GOING FOR CHECKUP IN OVER SEA

Dear Mr Steve Jesterman, ESQ.

good day sir, i dont understand your mail about your coming to my country i never told you about it can we have your banks informations and your cell phone i will now forward it to the C,B,N to contact you and tell you how to made your payment.

am very sorry you can not see me now am going  to checkup over sea today but you can get me on mails

thanks have a nice day

Dr.Tanimu Kurfi

10. June 22: Re: AM GOING FOR CHECKUP IN OVER SEA

My Dearest Dr. Tanimu, 

Of course, I understand completely. Sir, you are a Chief Economic Advisor, with many responsiblities and duties to perform and a life to live as well. I am, well, you know perfectly well who I am — an old punter, now on the run with an ex-nun who is half my daughter’s age. My only dream now, of which you are so tirelessly cognizant, is to reclaim the wages I earned while slinging guns for Shell Oil in the Niger Delta. It is not a big dream, Dr. Tanimu, but it is all I have. And since you are the only link to realizing my dream, I would be foolish to lose your patronage now that I am so close to my goal. 

I hope your travels are safe and easy. May I enquire, Sir, as to your health? Our prayers are with you in this time of checkups.

Elsa has reminded me that you have patiently asked for my bank information these past days, as well as a phone number. In my bewilderment and bloody confusion, I have overlooked the simplicity of your request — and I must beg your forgiveness, and I have them here for you. 
But first you may be interested in knowing that we arrived safely and found a very comfortable room at the Sofitel Hotel in Ikoyi. The pool is nice, and the staff has been very friendly. We tried cola nut for the first time after lunch yesterday and found the effect to be rather pleasant, although we have not slept in 24 hours. But as Elsa has been showing me, sleep is not the only thing one can do in a hotel room in a city where we have no engagements, no acquaintances, and no sights to see. Despite the easy rhythm we have gotten into since our arrival, we are not certain it is a good idea to remain long in Lagos, especially since Maj.-Gen. Tamuno will have guessed by now that I have come seeking you out. It is only a matter of time before we find him knocking on our door - and this time it won’t just be my legs he will amputate. 

With this in mind, we are anxious to decamp to a more secure location. Dakkar? Brazzaville? Abidjan? The very names bring back memories of a part of my life I had begun to forget, and surly men hailing from Boer townships with names like Ventersdorp, Wolmaranstad and Potchefstroom. Memories of late night arrivals on dark airstrips, far from the eyes of border stations and passport control. The best of times, Sir!, but also difficult and dark ones. 

Sir, you have patiently asked for my bank number as well as my phone. Here, hencewith and thus-to-now, I enclose them. Please keep them very close to you, since in sum these numbers compose my very being and essence — they deserve to be treated with utter confidence and discretion, as I am sure you know: 

San Diego National Bank7877 Ivanhoe Ave
La Jolla, CA, United States(858) 454-4786
Checking/Savings Account: 3383 - 458 - 2991

Routing Number: 44-399-2771 (La Jolla Branch) 

Name of Account Holder: Steve Isaac Jesterman

Social Security Number: 983 - 99 - 3425

I look forward to hearing from you soon,

With my very best wishes for you,

Steve Jesterman, ESQ.

PS Of course, this means our paths will not cross this time in Lagos — but so be it. As we have faith in our Lord, someday — Dear Sir! — He will surely bring us together. Again, Sir, my sincere apologies for assuming that you would have time for me were I to arrive in Lagos — that was an assumption on my part, and you know what the old punners say: never make an assumption, because it makes an “ass” out of “u” and “mption.” 

10b. June 23: Re: AM GOING FOR CHECKUP IN OVER SEA

My Dear Sir, 
I write to you from Lagos International Airport from whence we will soon depart. I think it best that I not mention our destination at present, since I have begun to suspect that we are under surveillance and my emails may be monitored. As soon as we land, I will let you know. 

In the meantime, I have been in contact with the bank to begin arrangements for the transfer. The manager at the La Jolla Branch, Mrs. Julie McCoy, is an able transferer of funds. She is awaiting your phone call. If you call after business hours, simply dial the extension #855 and she will take your call immediately. I do hope your check-up has gone well. Need I worry about your good health, Sir?

Best wishes,
Steve Jesterman, Esq. 

11. June 23: we referred your payment file newly appointed Governor

From: Dr. Tanimu Kurfi The Newly re-appointed Chief economic adviser to Nigerian President.
Attn;  Steve Jesterman, Esq.

Greetings to you Sir, how was your health today?

Thank you for your mailI have  referred your payment file to newly appointed Governor of Central bank of nigeria to contact you any moment from now. Thanks for your understanding
Regards
Dr.Tanimu Kurf

11b. June 23: please get back to me

From: Dr.Tanimu Kurfi, The Newly re-appointed Chief economic adviser to Nigerian President.

Attn; Steven Isaac Jesterman

Dear Sir,

Thank you for your concern about my health condition. I am better and
will return to Nigeria soonest.

Did you say you are now in Dakkar? Brazzaville? Abidjan? How did you
go to Dakkar? Brazzaville? Abidjan? By flight or by road? Where you
now and what are is the number to call you there? Confirm quickly.

I am wondering how you just left hospital at lakeside hospital outside
Pamplona and was able to jump into plane to travel to Nigeria. Acute
blood poisoning, exhaustion and dehydration are not diseases one could
be discharged from hospital and would be able to make a trip
immediately. You wrote and I quote” For two days, the doctor attempted
to stabilize my condition before performing surgery to amputate my
legs at the knee." so how could you make such trip? Surprisingly you
said that you   boarded a train for Madrid.  It is incredible! From
USA?

It is pity that you have revealed the transaction to 3rd parties who
may be biased owing to misjudgment or half baked information. May
people are biased about Nigerian business transactions especially
those who are not directly involved because of the cases of corruption
in Nigeria which has been exaggerated by the foreign media as an
orchestrated campaign of calumny..

I would not know the attitude of Elsa when you revealed your
transaction to her. What is her opinion?  You said Elsa shuddered and
then told you a secret you were not prepared to hear. What was that?

No matter what, women are loquacious. You would have been manly enough
to keep your transaction confidential as I advised  no matter what to
avoid your transaction being publicized and jeopardized by 3rd arties.
Are you ready to follow strictly my instructions henceforth? I am ever
ready to cooperate with you and do my best to ensure you are paid
provided you will stick to my advce.


Yours Sincerely,
DR TANIMU KURFI
Newly appointed Chief Economic Adviser to the president of Nigeria

12. June 24: Re: please get back to me

Dear Dr Tanimu, 

I write to you from the tarmac of Hosea Kutako International Airport in Windhoek. I understand the import of your words, and the need to keep our conversation solely to ourselves. You will be glad to know that I have never revealed to Elsa, nor any other human soul, your true identity. I have only ever called you my guardian angel, for that, Dear Doctor, is what you are. No more women, and no more women talk, I can promise you that.

Our situation is urgent, Sir. We landed two hours ago in calm weather. It felt good to be back in Namibia, where I have many assets and friends to draw upon for help. We were taxiing to the gate (#21) when a military jeep blocked the plane’s progress. Shortly thereafter, three officers boarded the plane and walked down the aisles, looking into passengers’ faces and occasionally asking to see our passports. Sir, you should know that neither Elsa nor I were concerned about this development until we noticed that the jeep had been joined by a white van with the words “The Shell Corporation: Let’s Go to the Arctic!” Who, Sir, but I, would they be looking for? And surely, Sir, this has some connection to our recent conversations, does it not? 

Just then, a voice came over the intercom asking for us to remain calm and in our places. That voice, Dear Doctor, is one I know well. You see, while I have never met Umaru Yar’adua, I certainly know his wife, Hajia Tarai. And I mean “know” in the Biblical sense, if you can appreciate that. Ours was a love that, as she put it, only Elegbá and his concubines would have understood. 

For it was Hajia, and no one else, who now addressed us on board flight 288 from Lagos to Windhoek. It was none other but that smoky, silky, beguiling voice. I could picture the redness of her lips and the pinkness of her tongue rolling over ivory teeth. And if Hajia was here, my demise would not be far behind. Elsa noticed that I had become agitated and asked me why. Without my saying, that devilish womanly woman had correctly guessed that she was not the first love of my life, and that the woman on the loudspeaker had a greater purchase on my soul than she could ever hope to have. 

Elsa cursed me in the Castillian tongue, then in the Basque. Then words became fists as that nun continued her fall into utter carnality. She began to pummel my body with hers, even as I attempted to remain calm and in my place, Seat 32B.

Not more than two blows landed on my face before the entire party was seizing me by the hands and wrenching me from the airplane. They boarded me onto that white van and drove me away. I looked back and saw Elsa’s tearful face looking out the window, her fingertips touching the plastic, her lips mouthing words: “Lo siento, mi amor. Mea culpa!” I could almost hear her voice whispering in my ear.

The men took me to a hanger somewhere on the outskirts of the airport, Sir. I managed to see the name of the hanger and the number: #45, “Suitcase Administration.” There, past rooms full of unclaimed baggage, they put me in a chamber with nothing but a television set and a video game machine. I heard Hajia Tarai’s voice speaking outside the door soon after, as well as another man — Major-General Godswill Tamuno, if my memory serves me. Or could I be mistaken?

I have spent the last half hour tinkering with the mechanisms of the machine and, using the dish network and the game pad, seem to have accessed the interweb and am thus sending you this email. 

Please, Sir, I beseech you: I seem to have fallen into the clutches of men and women who are after the funds you are now releasing on my behalf. You have ample evidence of the nefarious dealings that have afflicted me, do you not? You know how far I have come on your behalf, how utterly sincere my quest has been, do you not? 

You have all the information you need to act on my behalf. I implore you, Sir, please contact the Namibian police to let them know what is happening to me right now! Please send someone to my rescue! 

Help Us, Dr. Kurfi, You’re Our Only Hope!

Steve Jesterman

Sent from my Playstation2®

12b. June 24: Re: please get back to me

Dr. Kurfi, My Dear Sir!

Where have you gone? It has been 36 hours since my incarceration in Windhoek began, and I am no closer to emancipation than I was when I last wrote you. True, I have spent so much time on Grand Auto Theft that I have mastered 6 levels, but even that accomplishment is not the same as freedom!

You have all the information you need to set in motion my release — please, do not delay! 
Please, Sir!, give me a sign that you have received my messages and that you will help! Otherwise, I will have to accept that Shell Oil has influenced you against me, and perhaps also Hajia or Godswill. What a sad day that would be — I cannot bear to think it, but in my despair, I begin to. Please prove my doubts wrong. Please intervene!

Your humble servant,

Steve Jesterman

Sent from my Playstation2®

12c. June 27: Power of Attorney

Dear. Dr. Tanimu Kurfi, 
This is Elsa, Steve Jesterman’s lover. He has been indefinitely detained on a tarmac in Windhoek, and I am pretty sure he has granted me power of attorney. I am very anxious to receive the funds meant for poor Steve. Maybe you and I can work together to finish this job? I have enclosed a picture of myself so you can see what I look like. I am not like other women, I can be trusted. 
With love,
Elsa Matamoros

13. June 28: PLEASE DOT MAIL ME AGAIN

Dear madam Elsa Matamoros

please for christ sake dont ever sand mail to me am not like that let mr SteveJesterman write me this funds is not for you if he granted you power of attorney he must make sure he update me and again tell me the reason why he was detained on a tarmac in Windhoek.

more over he is a gentel man that any one can trust i can not work with you i have noting to do with your picture i never trust any woman of your type am very sorry
Thanks have a nice weekend
GOD bless you
Dr tanimu

13b. July 2: PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME URGENTLY

Attn: Elsa Matamoros

I am worried to hear that Steve Jesterman is indefinitely detained on
a tarmac in Windhoek. When was he detained? For what reason was he
detained? Was he peddling or trafficking drug or was he involved in
terrorism? What are the reasons for which he was detained? MAY YOU
EXPLAIN TO ME URGENTLY?

You said he gave you a power of attorney to continue with me in the
transaction. Van you send to me the signed Power of attorney from
Steve Jesterman. May you also show me your id to confirm your
identity? Send to me by email your driving license or any other valid
ID e.g. international passport. Etc.

I wait for your urgent reply.
Regards,
DR TANIMU KURFI

Saadi Yousef: At Kerak Citadel

Always, at sunset, the castle walls begin to breathe.

The war is over—it had been two or twenty centuries now.

But then suddenly when night falls, the war returns.

The soldiers in their towers light their candle, far from the gusting wind…

(read more)

-----

From Saadi Yousef, Aysha bint al-Basha (Beirut: Maktabat al-Jamal, 2014)

Watching ISIS on TV

I've spent the last few afternoons and evenings with my wife's cousins -- dynamic, generous and patient people from Baghdad who only recently -- after 8 years of one war, 10 years of sanctions, and 10 years of violent occupation -- decided to permanently resettle in Amman. Besides eating and drinking tea, and talking about the beauty of Ali's sermons, for the most part we wandered through a labyrinth of Iraqi satellite television. Like most Iraqi households these days, the television is never turned off.

(listen at On the Media)

(Read on)

Still in Bed

The process of forgetting Iraq has taken—and will continue to take—a great deal of effort and organization, since what is being forgotten involves a decade of mass violence and war crimes as experienced by millions of Iraqis and tens of thousands of Americans and others. A mere memory lapse could not perform this task, nor would a simple dose of repression. This kind of collective event involves a special kind of forgetting. Which is to say, it entails active forms of remembrance. To overwrite our memory, we need to supplant it with other images and stories. Vivid stories. Stories full of detail, adventure and heartbreak. Stories of life on the edge, stories about mortality and camaraderie. Stories so good that they override and outweigh lived experience and knowable facts. To forget is a profoundly creative process. Artistic, even. (Read more)

Reporters surround Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld as he holds a press conference while in flight to Kuwait on Dec. 6, 2004. [Source: Department of Defense via Wikimedia]

Phiction

Below is a provisional answer to the question: What are we to do with email scams and phishing? The prince who needs you to wire a temporary loan to Lagos so that he can retrieve his inheritance? The friend who had their wallet stolen in Amsterdam and needs you to send a money order immediately so that they can get back home? The company who needs you to verify your Visa card number and also the password to your email account?

A few years ago, my email life changed when my friend Chris taught me to think of these emails as writing prompts instead of threats or annoyances. He invented an email game that involves balancing two opposite rules at the same time: 1.) extend the conversation as long as possible; and 2.) be as absurd as possible. It's easy to do one or the other, but hard to do both at the same time. The result is a form of collaborative and semi-anonymous art based first upon the lie of the initial email, then on the lies that follow. Phishing meets fiction. 

Below is the result of the fake correspondence that took place over 4 days last October. between a con artist who claimed to be my old friend Ibrahim. His notes are the odd-numbered entries, my replies, in the persona of Steve Jesterman, are even numbered.  

1. 

Dear,

   I Hope you get this on time, my family and I came down here to Hereford,United Kingdom for a short vacation,unfortunately we were mugged at the park of the hotel where we stayed all cash,credit card and mobile phone were stolen off us but luckily we still have our passports with us.We've been to the Embassy and the Police here but they're not helping issues at all the bad news is our flight will be leaving in less than 8-hrs from now but we're having problems settling the hotel bills and the hotel manager won't let us leave until we settle the bills.  I'll need your help (LOAN) financially of 1,850 Pounds. I promise to make the refund once we get back home. Please let me know if you can help and i need you to keep checking your email because it's the only i can reach you.

Ibrahim XX

2. 

Dear Ibrahim,  

This is horrible news -- I would very much like to help. Can I wire you money? Which office should I send it too? 

Steve Jesterman

3. 

Dear Steve,

I'm so glad to read from you, thanks so much for your concern. I need you to loan me some cash,I need 1,850 Pounds.You can have the money wired to me via Western Union.Have it wired to my name and present location, here are the details you need to have it wired to me..

Name: Ibrahim XX

Location:1 West View Almeley Hereford HR3 6LE United Kingdom

       I still have my passport here with me to claim the funds.Once you are done with the transfer at the western union e-mail me the Confirmation details(MTCN) for the pickup of the funds.Thanks

Waiting to read from you soon

4. 

Dear Ibrahim, 

I have great news -- I knew my daughter was in the UK, but I thought she was in London. Guess what? She just called and she is in Hereford right now! Can you believe it? It's an amazing coincidence. Do you remember meeting her in our old cafe? I still have the pictures when you took us to the opium den. I will never forget the picture you guys took of me passed out on the floor. 

She's going to meet you at the Western Union Office -- send me your phone number so I can have her call you right now. 

We're going to help you out, buddy! Anything for you!

Steve

5. 

Dear Steve,

I need 1,850 Pounds.

Here are the details you need to have it wired to me..

Name: Ibrahim XX

Location:1 West View Almeley Hereford HR3 6LE United Kingdom

       Please kindly locate any western union outlet close to you and have the money wired to me promise to refund it back as soon as i get back home.E-mail me the Confirmation details(MTCN) for pick up of the fund when you are done with the transfer at Western Union.

Let me know when you are heading out to Western Union now.

 Ibrahim

6.

Hi Ibrahim, 

Mary Jane just went to the bank in Almeley, and they told her it's no problem to withdraw the entire amount. I told her to do so. That's great news -- we won't even have to deal with Western Union at all! Tell me where she can meet you or what your phone number is. The address you gave us is for the post office, by the way. Where's your hotel? 

 We are so glad we can help you. You remain, as always, one of our best friends. 

Sincerely, 

Steve Jesterman

7. 

I'm at a local library trying to get help back home don't have access to phone since the muggers went away with my phone and the hotel management stop me from making use of the hotel facility because of my out standing bill.The hotel management has put a stop to my order,i have not taking anything since last night.Quite honestly it was beyond a dreadful experience for me but looking on the bright side we weren't seriously hurt or injured and we are still alive so that is whats important.

I've reported to the cops here and canceled all my cards,it appeared I had acted quickly enough or they almost would have succeeded in cleaning out my bank account. I'm really having some difficulties clearing my hotel bills and also need to pick up a voucher ticket at the counter for us to catch a flight back home in a couple of hours.

I would have call you immediately or send you a number you can call me on if i have the access to make or receive call.Please i need you to get the money wired to me through western union as soon as possible.

Ibrahim

8.

Ibrahim, my good friend,

Mary Jane just called. Apparently the bank did not want to release the funds. So I will have to wire them to you after all. Would you still like me to send the MTCN to you, or did you resolve your problem? 

Steve

9. 

Dear Steve,

 Thanks for your concern and really appreciate,please instruct her to get the money wired to me through western union.If she can't get it done at western union,then i will be the try and get help from someone.

 Ibrahim

10.

Dear Ibrahim

Mary Jane just sent me the number. 

(MTCN) number: 5613464654 with serial number 6395-408AK- WESTERN UNION (MTCN)-Reference number 6475677 drew from 

WUNT475KS numbers 58-7-27-46 

GWK/558B/5355/UAD 

Please confirm receipt. I'll look forward to seeing you when you get back. Do you need us to pick you up from the airport? What flight are you on? 

Best, 

Steve Jesterman

11. 

Steve,

I just came back from the western union office and the cashier told me that there was no transfer made by you at western union and that the (MTCN-561-346-4654) is fake.

12. 

Dear Ibrahim, 

I called Mary Jane and she went back to the office. It seems we made a mistake and mixed up the third and fourth numbers. The correct number is: 

563-146-4654. 

 Sorry for the inconvenience. Let me know how it goes!

Steve

13. 

Steve,

The cashier at Western Union said that the MONEY IS NOT AVAILABLE FOR PICK UP.

She said the problem is from the western union agent which the money was sent from.

She advice that you should ask Mary Jane to cancel the transfer of the 1,850 Pounds and once the transfer has been cancel,Mary Jane should instruct the western union agent to have the money split into 2 and transfer is separately( 1000 and 750 Pounds ).

she said transfer 1000 Pounds and then transfer 750 Pounds.Once the two transfer is done she should confirmed it that the MONEY IS AVAILABLE FOR PICK UP before leaving the Western Union office.

I will be waiting for the MTCN DETAILS of the Two transfer.

 Ibrahim

14. 

Dear Ibrahim, 

This is confusing. I just contacted Western Union to verify that MTCN number, and they said the money transaction has been completed, and that the funds were released to an individual in Anchorage, Alaska. 

I can't help thinking that someone might have been playing a trick on both of us. In any case, the funds I was attempting to send to you were intercepted by a third party. Fortunately, Western Union's insurance will mean I have not lost these funds and we are preparing to resend them right now. 

Does anyone else have access to your email? Have you been hacked? 

I am worried -- but in any case, will prepare to resend these funds to you to your other email address, which I hope will be more secure. Or would you prefer for me to send the information elsewhere? 

BTW, Mary Jane is at the Almeley library right now looking for you, you old codger!

Your friend, as ever, 

Steve Jesterman

15. 

Steve,

How can someone get access to my private address that i make use of for different and confidential  issue.

I don't know how to explain my present situation to you anymore.I really appreciate your help and concern.

Thanks.

16. 

Dear Ibrahim, 

If you are confident that your email is secure, then shall I send the new MTCN details to you? I want to make sure you are able to make your travel connections! Imagine how angry Khadija is going to be if you miss your plane! I want to help!

Yours, as ever,

Steve Jesterman

PS Mary Jane looked everywhere for you in the library and was wondering if that was you who was in the locked bathroom down in the basement. She said it sounded bad in there. 

17. 

Steve,

Yes is secure send me the MTCN.

Ibrahim

18. 

Dear Ibrahim,

OK, but I'm worried that someone is reading our emails and then they're going to take this information and get the money I am sending you. If your email hasn't been hacked, maybe there is spyware on your computer that is allowing someone to watch the letters you're typing? Maybe there is a camera behind you so that someone can watch the screen? 

Please check to make sure then reply. When you're absolutely sure that no one is monitoring your computer except you, then email me to confirm and I will send you the MTCN. It is all ready to go and just needs you to say yes before I do anything. 

Sincerely, as always, 

Steve

PS Mary Jane waited for the person to come out of the bathroom -- and it wasn't you. Just in case you were wondering. 

19. 

Steve,

Yes is secure send me the MTCN.

Ibrahim

20. 

Ibrahim! 

I turns out my computer is the one that was hacked. Someone installed a small camera behind my desk at work, and they have been following our conversation. I first thought about removing it, but that would only alarm them, right? So I moved my chair slightly and now I don't think they can see what I am typing. 

I contacted Western Union and they will issue me a new MTCN. Shall I send it to you when it arrives, or have you already figured out another solution to your problem. 

Signed,  

Steve Jesterman

PS Mary Jane is sitting at the cafe by the bus station, in case you want to "drop by" and surprise her like you did that time in Rome!

21. 

Steve,

Send me the MTCN.

Ibrahim

22. 

Dearest Ibrahim, 

I'm sorry for the delay. Right after emailing, I received a phone call from the chief constable of the Almeley police. Apparently, someone abducted Mary Jane while she was sitting in the cafe next to the train station. Yes, right there in broad daylight. Can you fucking believe that shit? 

As they put her into a van, her phone must have dropped into the gutter. The abductors were last seen speeding off in the direction of Shropshire. The police called my number, since I was the last one to talk to her, and I have been on the phone ever since. 

They believe that the kidnappers are part of a gang of protestants who have been terrorizing the local population. In any case, you can imagine the state I am in. What a day this has been. Somehow, given all that you and I have been through together, it somehow seems fitting, doesn't it? Like that time we stumbled onto that meth lab in Kiev. I'll never forget that, even though we killed a few brain cells before the night was through. 

Here are the details -- I am so glad I'm able to help. If you are still in Herford, maybe you wouldn't mind stopping by the local constabulary in Almeley just to check in to see if they have any more information about Mary Jane. Considering that, in all likelihood, she may be more your biological daughter than mine, it would mean a lot to all of us. 

Yours sincerely, 

Steve

PS I almost forgot, the new number is: 949-217-3937. 

Noir and War: a Conversation with Ian Williams

Today, had a great conversation about war noir with Ian Williams, host of The Catskill Review of Books (which airs 330-4PM on Fridays, at WJFF, 90.5 FM). You can download Here.  Link to follow!

Mutanabbi Street Starts Here: Weds. March 5, Wash. DC

Al Mutanabbi Street Starts Here: Commemorative Readings

Wednesday, March 5, 2014  /  6-830 PM.

Busboys and Poets
14th and V Streets
Washington, DC

Free and Open to the Public
Light Refreshments provided by Busboys and Poets

Featuring Readings by:

• Zein El-Amine
• Sarah Browning
• Elana Casey
• Mariam Coker
• Elliott Colla
• E. Ethelbert Miller
• Nahid Navab
• Casey Smith
• Susan Tichy

For more information, go here.